Post by MSMFDawn on Sept 23, 2008 10:10:09 GMT -5
To my dearest JoNah:
Today I went to Q's first soccer practice, and yesterday to R's. I had to tell the lady last Friday that you would not be playing here in Calgary... I had so hoped that your dad was finally going to be true to his words in giving you back to me as you requested. I had hoped that he would do the most courageous thing on earth... to admit he couldn't give you what you need and want so badly. I thought of you so many times as I watched the two of them chasing that ball, wondering what it would be like to see you and R practice together. I know she and you would have a fabulous time together. I miss you so and hope that one day... you will know the truth of everything that happened these past two years. Daddy told me you are doing well in school... I hope you keep it up. Study hard and be true to your heart.. no matter what. I love you.
To my precious ACe:
Hey there little man! I thought of you these past few days too, knowing that I also pulled your name from the Soccer association here. I could see the four of you at the community center soccer field just a few doors away.... playing and having a wonderful time with the puppies and soccer balls. I wanted so badly to have your dad finally agree that it was best... but I guess it won't happen. One day kiddo... one day I am sure that you will know both sides of the story. One day you will find that there is so much knowledge in this world that the chalenge never ends. One day you will know that the search doesn't end with just one side. You need two sides to know the third.... The Truth. Search your heart and remember the truth you saw for so long.... I love you.
Lil D --- my miricle baby:
Dustin, you are a young man now and I know you haven't the time for me. I know that your promises of keeping in touch are for material things only. I know the game and I know how to play... I know that your heart is hardenned to me and will likely stay that way for a long while. I am thankful to see the artwork that you have put up, to get the glimpses into your life and know that you are okay. You are never far from my thoughts, son. I love you and there is no one that can change that with rumors, lies or even what they believe to be true. I have never defamed those who do just that to me. I have never slandered or been libel for words I have said. Do you remember when I tought you about why bullies are mean.... because of the hurt and jealousy of their own lives? Consider the painful things that people say and wonder the reasons behind their behavior.... Think of your own actions toward someone who thinks they are better than you: are you kind and forgiving, silent and bitter, loud and hurtful, or do you feel bad for their pain and sorry for your part in it-- even if unintentional? I know that you will likely never read these words... but they are things that I send to you from my heart. In hopes that somehow God will bring you these things as he sees fit to do....
I love you my sons... always and forever.
Many may ask why I did this today when I haven't for so long. Many will read the "momma bear's" words on another page and wonder too, who is it she is after? I read some things this week where people cried out in despair, begged for help, begged for forgiveness, lashed out in fury, slandered and judged others, but mostly those negative things were cries for help... because they are the ones that truly need it... maybe not for themselves but for those they love. It was the tactful and thought out words of a protective mother bear that made me think of all the mothers in this world: whether human or animal... they all have one thing in common- protection of their own. I am working on a video... to a song I found recently. I will post it at youTube etc for all to see. It is to my sons, my nieces and nephews, and all the children in my life whom I love.
May the winds of love dance lightly in your dreams: bringing you understanding and forgiveness of yourself so that you may forgive others who have hurt you.
Today I went to Q's first soccer practice, and yesterday to R's. I had to tell the lady last Friday that you would not be playing here in Calgary... I had so hoped that your dad was finally going to be true to his words in giving you back to me as you requested. I had hoped that he would do the most courageous thing on earth... to admit he couldn't give you what you need and want so badly. I thought of you so many times as I watched the two of them chasing that ball, wondering what it would be like to see you and R practice together. I know she and you would have a fabulous time together. I miss you so and hope that one day... you will know the truth of everything that happened these past two years. Daddy told me you are doing well in school... I hope you keep it up. Study hard and be true to your heart.. no matter what. I love you.
To my precious ACe:
Hey there little man! I thought of you these past few days too, knowing that I also pulled your name from the Soccer association here. I could see the four of you at the community center soccer field just a few doors away.... playing and having a wonderful time with the puppies and soccer balls. I wanted so badly to have your dad finally agree that it was best... but I guess it won't happen. One day kiddo... one day I am sure that you will know both sides of the story. One day you will find that there is so much knowledge in this world that the chalenge never ends. One day you will know that the search doesn't end with just one side. You need two sides to know the third.... The Truth. Search your heart and remember the truth you saw for so long.... I love you.
Lil D --- my miricle baby:
Dustin, you are a young man now and I know you haven't the time for me. I know that your promises of keeping in touch are for material things only. I know the game and I know how to play... I know that your heart is hardenned to me and will likely stay that way for a long while. I am thankful to see the artwork that you have put up, to get the glimpses into your life and know that you are okay. You are never far from my thoughts, son. I love you and there is no one that can change that with rumors, lies or even what they believe to be true. I have never defamed those who do just that to me. I have never slandered or been libel for words I have said. Do you remember when I tought you about why bullies are mean.... because of the hurt and jealousy of their own lives? Consider the painful things that people say and wonder the reasons behind their behavior.... Think of your own actions toward someone who thinks they are better than you: are you kind and forgiving, silent and bitter, loud and hurtful, or do you feel bad for their pain and sorry for your part in it-- even if unintentional? I know that you will likely never read these words... but they are things that I send to you from my heart. In hopes that somehow God will bring you these things as he sees fit to do....
I love you my sons... always and forever.
Many may ask why I did this today when I haven't for so long. Many will read the "momma bear's" words on another page and wonder too, who is it she is after? I read some things this week where people cried out in despair, begged for help, begged for forgiveness, lashed out in fury, slandered and judged others, but mostly those negative things were cries for help... because they are the ones that truly need it... maybe not for themselves but for those they love. It was the tactful and thought out words of a protective mother bear that made me think of all the mothers in this world: whether human or animal... they all have one thing in common- protection of their own. I am working on a video... to a song I found recently. I will post it at youTube etc for all to see. It is to my sons, my nieces and nephews, and all the children in my life whom I love.
May the winds of love dance lightly in your dreams: bringing you understanding and forgiveness of yourself so that you may forgive others who have hurt you.